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Conversations with Books, Part 3

Here’s more of my imagined conversations between my books. For an explanation of this, see here and here.

Here we have the mythology shelf, where two very different males engage in personal odysseys through a modern world populated by the ancient gods.   Teenage Percy Jackson and his pals might be frightened by hardened criminal Shadow from American Gods. True that Percy’s faced down snake-headed ladies and fought death itself, but Shadow’s a little rougher around the edges. Shadow would probably order a straight vodka with his breakfast and Percy would say, “Uh, I’ll have OJ. Straight.”  Shadow would smile and say something manly and Percy would shoot a panicked look at Annabeth, who would roll her eyes and reach for Edith Hamilton’s Mythology to correct everything it got wrong.

Here we have a little stack of nice YA romances, and I’d like to send all of them on a triple date together. True that one of them is dead (I won’t say who), but we’ll pretend they’re all alive and healthy enough to sit around a table at a kitschy diner with a fantastic jukebox.  Nick and Norah would be engaged in lively debate about music with Audrey and James, and Hazel and Augustus from The Fault in Our Stars would share a milkshake and grins while they listened.  Eventually the talk would turn to bad ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, Augustus would impishly play “Audey, Wait,” and the whole group would end up dancing like maniacs.

This is where the upper class hangs out.  Naturally, Emma is holding court in the middle and happily telling the Annes from Persuasion and Jane Austen in Scarsdale exactly who they should marry and when.  The Annes are making eye contact over head and rolling their eyes. Luckily, Emma has a couple of disciples in Megan from How to Teach Filthy Rich Girls and basically all of the teenagers in Sweet Valley. Emma would really like to be sharing tea with Gatsby, but he considers her to be too frivolous and the rest of them to be too nouveau riche for his tastes. Jessica Wakefield is confident she’ll be BFFs with Daisy though because Jessica Wakefield is delusional.

Conversations with Books, Part 2

Here’s more of the imagined conversations between the books on my new bookshelves. See Part 1 here.

The road trip books are crowding the top shelf and trying to ignore my scrapbook from study abroad at Oxford. They’re like, “Look, unless this journey of yours is a metaphor for finding yourself, we’re not interested.”  The Murry kids from A Wrinkle in Time are sitting next to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and I’m sure they’re comparing notes to see if they met any of the same people.  Richard Mayhew from Neverwhere is eavesdropping and trying to get up the nerve to jump in. I put both of John Green’s road trip books next to As I Lay Dying because I figure those smartie pants kids will feel smug about sitting next to William Faulkner. Also, Alaska and Margo can get together and form the “John Green Dream Girls” club.  I’ve helpfully supplied Amy and Roger with a handful of guidebooks, though  Antarctica would be a long drive for them.  Finally, the Tolkien hobbitses are feeling bewildered on their perch next to manic Maureen Johnson and her 13 Little Blue Envelopes series.   She’s loving it, of course, and she’s asking many inappropriate questions about Sauron.

Elsewhere, Mindy Kaling is dropping bon mots to an impressed Bridget Jones and a slightly confused Elizabeth Bennet.  Bridge is proposing cocktails, Mindy is proposing cocktails and crazy manicures, Elizabeth is finding modern English much too familiar, and Georgia Nicolson is scheming to swipe some booze and trying to pick up tips from Ms Jones.  Mindy tries out her best fake British accent, and the other three dissolve in laughs. Ruby Oliver from The Boy List  is craning her head around the others to exchange wry looks with Sloane Crosley and Daria.

Ah, the dreaded Vampires and The Women Who Love Them shelf. Bella takes up a lot of room here (of course she does), but there’s room for a kind of support group moderated by the author Dead Travel Fast.  He’s like, “You guys know these are creatures who actually want to kill you, right?” And Elena of The Vampire Diaries is like, “Yeah, but have you seen them? Super good looking.” Bella high fives her and makes some comments about sparkling.  At this point, Vlad Dracula turns his head and clears his throat meaningful while pointing to his gross and sparkle-free  face and Meena Harper from Insatiable makes a gagging sound.   Finney of My Dead Girlfriend scratches his head and says, “So, none of you are dating ghosts? Why am I here again?”  And that’s when I sheepishly admit that he just fit into the space really nicely.

Next time:  A date night for some YA couples and the children of the Gods have brunch.