Thank you, Vulture, for bringing this to my attention–this fantastic moment in which Christina Aguilera clearly does not remember one of her old co-stars from her MMC days even though he was practically the leader of the pack at that time. This beautiful moment which I cannot embed in my blog because I’m becoming more and more technologically dumb as I age. My niece will probably have a blog embedded in her arm, but I can’t embed a video clip. Anyway.
As soon as Carson Daly (failing up, by the way- well done!) said, “Tony Lucca,” I squealed out loud. You guys, everybody knows Britney and Justin and Ryan and Xtina, and some people even know Keri and JC. But back in the golden era of the MMC, this kid was the king. He was the class president, the quarterback, the mother effing prom king. And you know what? He actually sang pretty well on The Voice this week too. I would certainly rather buy his album than listen to Xtina do her runs or whatever.
Dear sweet god of pop culture, let this guy succeed. Not only does he have a nice smooth voice and an adorable moppet of a son, he could give us the MMC reunion we (okay, I) always wanted.
Can’t you see someone sending JT the link to this video? And he would totally text the Gos because they are allegedly still friends. He’d be all, “Did you the diva? She dissed our boy Tony.” And the Gos would be like, “That was whack.”
Evidently,in my mind, they both continue to use 90s slang and have nothing better to do than make bitchy comments about Xtina, even though they both have very pretty Hollywood girlfriends and, therefore, better things to do.
So, then, they decide it would be awesome to hang out and throw back some fancy manly cocktails and then go to a taping to support their former scout leader. And they would spend the whole time giggling and making fun of Xtina and eventually end up on camera because Carson could never resist that. And Ryan would try to act all suave and cool, and JT would tell a story about Christina from the MMC days that would be passive aggressive and hilarious. And Levine and Shelton would woop it up because everybody kind of hates that girl and her pushy ways. And then all four of them would go the bar after the show and fight over who likes her least.
But what does she care? Because she’s hugging this kid who used to be Kind of a Big Deal, but now she’s the one with the Grammy Awards, so eat it Mouskateer! I bet she was looking at his wife and remembering all the times she caught him making out with Keri Russell backstage, and then she walked off and smirked to herself because she got to be the Nerd who doesn’t even remember the Popular Kid, and she got to do it on national TV.
So then she calls Britney, who is obviously interested in knowing if he’s available, but only because she wants to use him to make JT jealous. (I obviously take the Fug Girls view that Brit is still plotting to get him back.) Once she has established his happy marriage, she’s all, “So, was Justin there? Not like I care. I mean, whatever. But don’t you think Jessica Biel is totally lame? And we were totally better than, like, Selena and Demi, right? I mean, they don’t even have any TRL awards, right? DO THEY?”
Meanwhile, Keri Russell is watching his performance from home and sighing over her glass of organic wine and dreaming of what might have been if only the CW had been around when Malibu Shores was cancelled on NBC. And then she was like, “You know what? I should call Charisma Carpenter because I forgot I know her and she was pretty cool.” And then she forgets about it because she seems like she has her shit together and she probably wouldn’t get wrapped up in the drama.
(PS This website has some of the original trailers for that show, and I now wish that I could watch it. With a bottle of organic wine)
Elsewhere, JC Chasez is re-learning the words to “Now and Forever” because he knows that duet is coming back to make him relevant again. People will Google Lucca, they’ll find that old clip, and the rest is gravy.
Man, I am just having way too much fun imagining this. I should probably find a better creative outlet. Regardless, I hope the guy does well on the reality singing show because he sounds pretty good to me. And if we get one Mouskateer in the audience, I’ll be thrilled.