Reasons Why There is a Yoga Mat Outside my Neighbor’s Door
Down the hall from me, two girls and their two dogs live in an apartment. I don’t know them well because our dogs have determined themselves to be mortal enemies for reasons I don’t understand, and so all of our interactions are punctuated by loud and threatening yipping barks and minimal small talk. They seem nice enough, though. About three weeks ago, a hot pink yoga mat showed up outside their door. It hasn’t moved since then and I’ve been wondering why. Here’s some reasons that occurred to me.
1) One of them has a glandular issue and the yoga mat just smells terrible from all the sweating and they leave it out there in between uses, and I only happen to be walking by when they’re not using it.
2) It belongs to the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend of one of the roommates. The Ex called up to say he/she would be coming by to get it, but they’re really irresponsible and still haven’t stopped by. The roommates sit around over glasses of white wine and fuss that Ex will never change and this is totally unsurprising, but OHMIGOD would he/she hurry up and get it so that this can just be over?!
3) The dogs like to chew on the mat and it’s stored outside in between uses. One would think the mat could be stored on a high shelf for this purpose, but I suppose the dachshunds could be very wiley.
4) The roommates are actually dating each other and they are out of town right now. One of their friends borrowed the mat and left it on their stoop, but they just haven’t returned to move it.
5) It’s a decorative statement that I am missing for some reason. It’s a mod umbrella stand? A futuristic sheaf of wheat to contrast with the real one nearby? It’s an odd accent table?
6) The roommates are engaged in a passive aggressive battle of wills related to the mat. One of them put it out there because the other one left it in the middle of the carpet instead of putting it away. And now the second roommate is pretending not to notice it every day and the first roommate is silently fuming and texting her mother about it.
7) Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the brunette roommate in a while. Maybe she moved out a forgot the yoga mat. The blond roommate is still there and she hates her. So, she left it out there for her to pick up, but every day she walks by and tells herself she’s going to throw it away, but then she doesn’t because she’s always in hurry.
8) One of them is a a grad student for social psychology and they are conducting a social experiment to see how long it will take for one of the neighbors to complain or leave a passive aggressive note on their door or steal it.
9) Maybe they DO want someone to steal it. Maybe they feel guilty just throwing it away and they’re too lazy to bring it to Goodwill, so they’re just hoping someone will silently walk away with it in the middle of the night.
10) They put it out there for some reason and they’re just really lazy and now they don’t even notice it when they walk inside.